Wasurenai Basho

「忘れない場所」

Its been years when I was dumped by my ex-girlfriend.. I am living alone now. The company I'm working at transfered me in other branch. Its been a week I am living in this new apartment. My apartment is near in a river. And its peaceful, I cant see people around in the afternoon. Maybe there were busy at work...?

I've been working in other branch for 1 week already. Well, today is my off and I need to take a fresh air outside. This is the first time I am walking in this place alone. I'm still not familiar with the places here so I went in the river just to relax.

I saw a guy in the river.. Standing there, and seems he look so down. He is looking at the river with a sad face. I suddenly shocked when this guy is about to jump in the river. I run and grab his hand.

"... What are you doing?!!!" I just shout at him.

I feel his hand is kinda cold. I just thought maybe he was there since last night. He was shocked when he saw me. He pulled out his hand at me. He wont look at my eyes.

"Do you know what are you doing?!" I asked him in a loud voice.

Still he wont look at me. He is holding his hand.

"Its not your business."

I was pissed off when he replied at me like that.

"If you want to kill yourself... Its better to live... I dont know what happened to you, but would you at least take care of yourself?" I smiled at him while saying those words.

He laugh at me.

".. You know, you are a strange guy."
"Huh?"

I dont have a idea what he mean by that. But when I saw his smiling face its makes me feels weird. I smiled back at him.

Afterwards I talked to him. It was a quiet afternoon. We're sitting under the tree and talk something. I saw him that he is enjoying what we are doing. That comes to my mind.

"By the way what's your name?" I asked him with a gentle voice.
"Miyagi.."
"... Hmm, Miyagi.. I'm Shinya."

Miyagi smiled while looking at the sky.. I looked at him and I feel weird again. He saw me looking at him. He smiled at me.

"Y'know Shinya-san.. You're a nice person."
"Eh? Well... I'm not. It was just a normal for me."
"... Please dont be gentle to me.." he whispered.
"... Hmm?"

I actually didn't heard what he said to me but he said that just forget what he said. It was evening already. I asked him if he wants to go eat dinner with me but he refused me.

"Sorry, Shinya-san."
"Hmm? Its fine. I'll asked you next time then."

He make a warm smile at me. I feel weird again, I dont know what is happening to me when I saw him smiling like that.

"Aren't you going home, Miyagi?"
"Nope. I will stay here for a while."
"... Then dont do anything reckless."
"Sure."

He smile again like that. Shit! Those smile again. I cant think but a weird things. He asked me to meet him again tomorrow in this place again. I accept his offer.

It was another day and another work. Filled of works to do. I am keep on looking at the time and seems I am looking forward to meet Miyagi again.

"Ah, Shinya-san, wont you eat dinner with us?"
"I'm sorry. Today I passed. I have an appointment after this."
".. Eh? Dont tell me you find a girlfriend?"
"Huh?! Of course not."
"Haha. We're just joking. Well, see you tomorrow."

I refused there offer just to meet Miyagi. It just I cant wait to see him. I saw him again in the river. It seems same happening yesterday. I saw him looking at the river with that sad looks in his face. I went to him.

"Dont tell me.."
"Ah, Shinya-san!"

He was surprised when he saw me. But afterwards he makes that warm smile again. I cant stop but feels weird when I saw him smiling. I just suddenly hug him. He was surprised at me. But he hug me back. Miyagi's body is feels cold.

I keep on seeing him everyday after work. When I have off I talked to him whole day. I'm happy just talking to him and seeing his smile. He wont come to my apartment so we always eat in that place everyday. I dont asked him twice why he wont come with me to eat somewhere. But still eating just the two of us everyday makes me happy.

Its been 1 month that I know Miyagi. And I feel that I'm inlove with him. But I cant still say it to him. Because I dont want him to gross out just because I confess to him. I want to stay with him.

I promised to see Miyagi in the afternoon. But suddenly my boss asked me for overtime. I finished my work at 10 pm and I'm in a hurry to see him. I thought to myself that Miyagi is still waiting for me there. When I went to the river side. I saw him sitting while looking in the river again. He does that sad face again. I'm always curious why he always makes that smile while looking at the river. He saw me. He smiled but his smile is different from the smile I knew.

"S-Sorry Miyagi I'm late.. I have to take overtime today so.."
"Its ok Shinya-san.."
"Dont tell me you are waiting here since afternoon?"

He didn't make a response. He just removed his sight to me. I went closed to him.

"Miyagi-"
"Shinya-san.. I have something to tell you.."

I kinda shocked when he said that. I hold his cold hands.

"... What is it?"
"... Y'know... Will you please stop coming here everyday?"

I was hurt when he said that to me. I got angry in what he said to me.

"W-What do you mean by that?!"
"... I dont want to see you anymore."
"Huh?! What kind of excuse is that?!"

Without realizing I'm gripping his hand but he seems wont feel anything. He was crying.

"... Please stop coming here anymore. I dont want Shinya-san to be hurt."
"I dont accept that. I am meeting you because of my will. And I dont want that excuse! You know you hurt me just because saying those things to me!"

He just keep on crying. And me, as possible I dont want to cry. But it really hurts me. I dont want to lose him. I just want to stay beside him always. Seeing his smile.. All of him.. I want all of him.

"Please.. Please Miyagi dont say that thing. I dont want to lose you."
"... Me too, but if you keep on coming here it will hurt you more. Thats why... Please stop coming-"
"I wont accept! I wont! Because I love you, Miyagi! Thats why..."

My tears suddenly drip. He smiled at me. That smile is the same smile I like from him.

"Me too Shinya-san, I love you too.. But it wont work anymore."

He keep on crying. I wiped his tears and asked him.

"What do you mean that it wont work anymore..?"

Miyagi hug me tight and explain everything to me.

"Shinya-san I'm already dead. So it wont work. You wont never see me."

I was shocked in what he said to me. I asked him that he was joking but he shaked his head. I am speechless...

He touched my face and feel his cold hands again.

"2 years ago.. I killed myself here.. Because my lover left me.. And my lover is a guy. I love him that much and I cant live without him.. So I killed myself here... I was in regret when I meet you. I fall in love with you the time I saw you, I was really feel regret if I didn't killed myself maybe I can be with you but it seems that I am in my limit.."

I keep on crying and keep saying that he was just joking at me. I cant speak because of the shocked. I just hug him.

"Dont leave me Miyagi.. I love you! So please."
"I love you too Shinya-san. But its my limit already."

He was shocked when I hugged him tight and gripping his clothes. I dont know what face he makes but I just feel his cold tears.

"Thanks for loving me Shinya-san.."

He looked at me and he kissed me in my lips. His lips are cold. His body is cold. His body is about to vanished. I was keep on crying and hold his hands tight.

"... Miyagi.."
"Shinya-san thanks for everything."
"Miyagi.. Dont leave me.. Please!"
"I cant.. I'm sorry."
"... M-Miyagi.."

Miyagi is vanished already. The only words he left that I heard is "I love you." I keep on crying and kneel. I keep on shouting Miyagi's name. My tears wont stop.. Its really hurt. This hurt I feel is different from my ex-girlfriend.

Its been 2 weeks before I kinda recovered and cant forget about Miyagi.. Every time I went home from work, my usual route is to stop in that river. I always keep on throwing flowers in the river and keep on saying "I love you & I missed you so much Miyagi" while I'm crying..

1 year passed.. I'm about to transfer again in the previous branch I am working at. I went in the river in my last day in that place. Today was the day I met him in the river. I bought flowers.

"Miyagi.. Until now I cant forget you. You gave me happiness when I'm with you. Its really difficult if you are not around. Its been one year when the last time I saw you. You know today was the day I met you here. Miyagi... I'm going back again in the previous branch I am working at.. Today will be the last day of my visiting here.. But you know even you are not here with me... I'm still loving you. I keep on loving you. I really love you Miyagi."

I cried while saying those words to him. I threw the flowers in the river. I wiped my tears and said my last words to him.

"I wont forget you Miyagi. I love you!"

I left the river already and suddenly I turned back my sight in the river and I feel like I'm dreaming. I saw Miyagi holding the flowers I threw and waving his hand at me. He still makes that smile he always do. I was shocked when I saw him. I cried again and wiped my tears. After wiping my tears I didn't see his soul again. And I turned around...

"Thank you & I love you.. Miyagi."

I smiled while my tears are dripping from my face and left.