Fuyu no Omoide

「冬の思い出」

It was winter season. I was run away in our home for some reason. I went everywhere.

Too cold. No food. No place to stay with.

It was night when I sit behind the old store. I am freezing because of the cold. People walking stared at me. No one is approaching me. But.. Only one guy who stop in front of me. I look at him and I saw him looking at me.

"You will catch a cold if you stay here.." he said while sharing his umbrella to me.

I am speechless. I bow my head not to see his face but he keep staying in front of me.

"Want to come to my place?"

I suddenly looked to him when I heard he say that. Without thoughts I came along with him. I came to his apartment. He allowed me to used his shower room. After showering, I smell a food. I went in the kitchen and saw him cooking.

"What food are you cooking?" I asked him in a curious way.

Without noticing it. He laugh at me.

"You don't know nabe?"

I just nod my head. And he laugh again at me.

"I see.. But you see.. First time to hear your voice. You didn't speak at all when you came here."

While saying those words he keep on smiling while cooking the food.

We eat our dinner. And I was surprised in his cooking. It was delicious. He asked me if its delicious. I just nod my head. He keep staring at me while I am eating.

I am looking at him while preparing the futon.

"You will sleep in the bed and I will sleep here."
"Is it ok?"
"Yes."

He make a warm smile in his response. I just lay down in his bed and hug the pillow. It was a peaceful sleep for him while me I keep on crying.

It was morning. When I woke up this guy left the apartment. He left a sheet of letter in the table.

"I'll go at work. Eat the breakfast I cooked and just heat your food for your lunch. I'll be back at the evening."

I ate my breakfast. I noticed that I don't know his name and I never tell my name to him too.

When the evening comes. He came back. When he came back the apartment is clean. And he saw me at the kitchen. Never hear his voice when he say "I'm home" that's why I'm surprised when he saw me at the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" he asked in surprised voice.
"... I tried cooking dinner."

He laugh at me. I thought he will get angry at me because the kitchen is messy. I don't know how to cook but I tried to cook for him being kind to me.

"I will wait for your specialty food."

He make a smile and sit in the chair waiting me to serve the food. I kinda shy when I serve the food. It was all toasted.

".. Sorry, I don't know how to cook." I kinda blush.

He ate all the food I cooked.

"Its delicious. Though its toasted."

I just smiled when he said that. And it came to my mind about his name. I asked his name. He smiled at me.

"I thought you never asked my name. Masa.. Is my name. You?"
".. Taki."

He smiled when he heard my name. He never ask me why I am in that place. But he ask me once..

"Taki.. Last night are you crying?"

But I never give him an answer. He didn't repeat his question.

"Never mind. But if you need someone to shoulder on I can help you. You can stay here any time you want."

He left and went in the shower after saying that. I was touched when he said that and suddenly my tears fall down.

I don't have an idea... But he is hiding in the shower room and heard me crying.

Its night already.. I look in his sleeping face until I fall asleep.

Masa open his eyes when I fall asleep already.

Same happening in the other day.. He always leave early in the morning and he is not around in the afternoon. I just spend time with him during evening. I enjoy living with Masa. He teach me how to cook and teach me many things. The winter season ends.

I live in his apartment for months. We go out just the two of us sometimes. I am happy when I'm with him. I don't still know what this feelings I feel for him. But I'm just happy.

One day I went out by myself. I went go in the grocery to buy some ingredients for the dinner. I am waiting for the stop light to cross by in the next road.

Masa in the the other side road.. He about to came to greet me but I don't have an idea that he saw me. This guys is running when he suddenly pushed me. I was shocked and I'm about to fell down and the cars are still moving.. Masa came to grab me and hug me. Instead I'm the one who will be in danger Masa was the one. He saved me.

Masa is in the hospital. I cried a lot because I am worried about him. He was in the emergency room and me all I can do is to wait.

The doctor went out from the emergency room. Masa is safe, all I can do is to wait for him to open his eyes. The doctor allowed me to visit his room. I sit beside him and touched his face while my tears are dripping in his face. That's all I can do..

The other day Masa open his eyes already. Without knowing I cried when I saw him awake already. Masa make a warm smile and wiped my tears.

"Why are you crying?"
"... I am happy because you already awake."

I am blushing while crying. He hug me. The doctor came in the room and asked Masa to talk with him alone. I went out. I don't have idea what are they talking.

Its been a week when Masa came back in his apartment. I took care of him until he get well soon. He always said that my cooking improved that make me smile every time he said that. I got work while I'm taking care of Masa. My loneliness that I feel when Masa got injured because of me were fade.

Its been a months after that incident happened and its already autumn. I just came back from work. Its already late in the evening when I came back home. No one is answering me. All the lights are off. I thought that Masa already sleeping. But when I passed by in the toilet i saw the lights on. I came inside and I thought Masa is taking a shower but all I saw is Masa is lying in the floor full of blood. I was shocked. I tried to wake him up but he won't wake up. I called the ambulance. Masa was in the emergency room. I was waiting again crying.

"Seems this is already happened.." I thought it while crying.

The doctor came out from the emergency room.

"... I'm sorry but he didn't survived."

When the doctor said that my heart skip beating. I was shocked. I cried again and again.

"What do you mean he didn't survived?!"
"... He don't have long life left."
"Are you joking right?!"

The doctor shake his head. I sat in the chair and rubbing my head. The doctor said that I can go visit his room. I went in with the doctor.

"Months ago Masa has a disease. He is vomiting blood that not easily to be cured. He already has his limit of months to live on. He didn't mention it to you so that you won't worried about him. He came always here after work to have a check up. He can still open his eyes but all I can say is he can't survived in that disease."

I cried when I heard all those explanation of the doctor. The doctor left and I sat beside him crying. I hold his hand.

"Why didn't you tell me everything? You will leave me alone now..?"

I keep on crying while talking to him, though I know he wont hear me.

The next day. Masa opened his eyes already but his conditions are not good. When he opened his eyes he hold my hands and I suddenly woke up.

"... Taki."
"Masa..."

I cried while calling his name. He look at me and hold my hand.

"Why are you crying Taki?"
"... Nothing."

I just shake my head while crying. My tears dripping Im his face. I can't blame him already. I just said nonsense word. I can't get angry to him even though he keep it secret from me. He wiped my tears and touched my face. I hold his hand in my face.

"You know Taki. I have something to tell you.."
"What is it?"
"You know when I first met you... I came to love you. The time when I meet you in the raining snow night, I thought that you are lost or something when I saw your face. When I saw your face. I am happy when we live together."

I cried and speechless in what I hear. I am crying yet blushing. I keep holding his hand.

"And you know Taki, I was about to confessed to you but I am scared that you will run away when I confessed to you, so I keep it one-sided love for me. And stay living with you. I'm sorry for keeping secrets from you."
"Nmm, i-its ok. I am not angry at you."
"Really? Thank you Taki for having you. Spending time with me. I am really happy to met you."
"Me too.. Masa.."

Masa's heartbeat is about to lost. I am panicking and calling his names many times. The doctor came. I keep holding his hand.

"... Taki.."
"... What?"
"I love you.."
"... I love you too."

I cried like a kid when he said that to me in a low voice. And his hand fell down already and he is not beating at all. I keep on crying.. Calling his name while hugging him. It was painful for me that Masa leaving me.

It was already December and two months already when Masa passed away. I came to visit his grave in winter season.

"Masa.. I came here to visit you. Today is the day when I met you last year. You know I really missed you. Actually, when you left me I think that its not better to live without you. But I realized that if I do that the things you teach me about living will be on waste. So I decided to be strong. I really missed you Taka."

I cried when saying those words in his grave. It suddenly raining snow. I look up in the sky and keep on crying again.

"... Masa. I love you!"

Saying those words looking at the sky and cried. And I thought that will Masa will hear those words I'm saying...?

END